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Post by ClassicRelation12 on Jul 23, 2019 22:00:15 GMT
Hello All,
I'm just looking for some advice from people who have struggled with a similar decision. I know who my birth mother is but I have not reached out to her directly. She has made a couple of attempts to connect with me, but I was not ready at the time. I've connected with my bio sister and we speak on and off but nothing consistent. I have a stronger desire to get to know my siblings than I do to know my bio mom, but I don't see being able to do one without the other. There are layers of issues that come into making my decision. How will this impact my parents, me, my family, etc.? I feel that once I decide to take a step forward there is no turning back. I'm not sure if I want to open that door. It would be helpful to know from others what your experiences were and how it went. What factors did you consider before making your decision? What clarity did you gain from making the connection? I have a few questions I would like to know the answer to, but I'm not sure if the "risk" is worth the reward.
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Post by sgail on Jul 23, 2019 22:24:44 GMT
Please join the forum for support questions. We do this for the safety of our members. There are many members on the inside that would love to chat with you. Here is the introduction Thread: adultadopteesupport.freeforums.net/board/5/introductionsYou can post your question and much more of the forum will open up to you. This area is for questions regarding how the forum works. Thanks! |
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Post by bekbek on Jul 31, 2019 2:25:35 GMT
I don't have an answer for you, but I know exactly how you feel. These are some of the questions I have as well.
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Post by ofearthandsky on Jul 31, 2019 15:23:38 GMT
I spent some time feeling out who my bparents seemed to be and what I was likely to find before I took the plunge. There is just so much you can figure out but I felt pretty positive about my chances of feeling relatively comfortable with the experience of introducing myself. I am not sure if your hesitation is due to knowing about your bmother or whether it is something else. Do you have questions that only she can tell you or can your gain more insight from bsiblings? Have you felt fulfilled by knowing your bsister?
I would say take your time. You may never feel fully confident but time and exploration might at least lead to to being more sure about your decision.
It is such a tough thing and a huge thing. Nobody can truly explain to a person how it feels to meet a bparent and how that can turn your life upside down even if there are positive things. I do not regret my reunion but I am glad I took my time to really think about it. I wasn't really prepared but I am not sure one can ever be completely prepared! At some point you have to just take the plunge.
If I had real concerns about my bparents I might not have pursued meeting them and in hindsight that is a fine decision and can save an adoptee a lot of grief. Everyone is different of course.
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Post by Jax2011 on Sept 8, 2019 17:37:05 GMT
HI
I recently made contact with a 1st cousin through a DNA test site. We have had ongoing email convo and I have also received an unredacted unofficial birth certificate with my birth mothers info which I actually already knew. I found her when I was 21 through the original agency and she did not want contact at that time and said not to contact her again. So I just never bothered again. I'm in this weird middle place now and want to make another attempt now since I know more about some things that have been revealed through my cousin who has been very careful to protect immediate family identity according to the original closed adoption laws of PA. Honestly though with all the DNA stuff and PA now releasing original birth info it seems to somewhat void the whole closed adoption laws anyway. Just really need some advice on how to proceed at this point. Do I use an agency to reach out to her again on my behalf or just write her a short note with my info. I feel like contacting her directly somewhat takes her ability to make a choice of contact away from her which doesn't seem fair. I don't know if I have the space for rejection again. Any feedback is helpful or other perspectives. Thanks for listening.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 8, 2019 20:08:56 GMT
None of this was fair to you.
Contact her directly.
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