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Post by DavisP on Dec 5, 2020 18:18:45 GMT
We want your feedback and ideas for the forum. To start it off let us give you some information.
We will be five years old next month. We have been tracking a metric of how many members visit the forum each month. A graph of this data is on the homepage at the bottom of the 1st page.
We do not have data from when we first started, but by June of 2016 we had 80 members visit a month and by July 2017 that had grown to about 150 each month and this went up to 170 by July 2018. Then we started a slow decline so that now as of Dec 2020 we are back at 80.
So, the first question is what is going on and is there anything we need to do to maintain our numbers?
Second, we have a lot of people who join and never make a post or make a single post and never make a second one. We understand that it is scary when we first start talking about adoption and to do so to strangers does not help, but we think it is important to ask people to introduce themselves.
So, the second question is what do you think is going on and is there anything we can do to encourage people to stay and speak up?
The third question is open ended. Do you have any suggestions, ideas, comments on how to improve the experience here?
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2020 19:47:40 GMT
I can’t imagine how the experience on this forum can be improved. I can’t live without this place to talk about everything adoption related.
I always got the feeling that some people, who post only once, are looking for a more unicorns and rainbows view of adoption. Maybe what we say scares them....there are many still in a deep fog.
I think others are not adopted at all....they’re trolls. Or spies. I always think of places like adoption.com and first mother forum. They don’t like what we angry adoptees have to say, but they do want to know about it.
I don’t know what can be done. I’m sure a good number of adoptees feel it’s not safe to post. I think introductions are crucial. That category should never be taken away. But after that, I have no idea.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2020 21:36:10 GMT
I am surprised visits per month are down. You would think with additional stress of the pandemic more people would be looking for support.
The one or two post members are either just looky loos or not ready and hightail it out of here after reading how adoption has negatively effected so many of us.
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Post by thetennisballkid on Dec 6, 2020 0:21:29 GMT
DavisP I did some work with a social website last year. This is to some extent an inherent problem. Meaning, it's everywhere. The site that I was helping was, and still is having the exact same problem. People sign up, but don't post and or participate in conversations. Some months 80 new sign up, next month and for several months after; a steady 3-5 sign ups. I suggested to the creators of the website. To seek out sites where it is acceptable to post about another website. Craigslist for example has an area made just for community/groups to post.(remember not to type out the website name as it is shown in the search box IE www.adultadopteesupportforums.net instead type out the words " www dot___dot net" Otherwise the post might be more prone to being flagged. In closing, no website or forum can escape or compensate for the factor of human indecision and lethargy. The best that you can do, in my opinion... Is to seek out websites like Craigslist or websites having to do with adoption or abuse, or etc. and be diligent/timely with your posting. Post every single week, the wider the net the more fish that will swim in.
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Post by DavisP on Dec 6, 2020 2:50:09 GMT
ladyblue has pointed out in the past that on the web it is common to have 90% of the people be "Lurkers" - come and look but don't post. We may not be able to reach these people. But, I was wondering if we were to reach out to the people who register and match them up with a member who would show them the ropes so to speak and hold their hand till they get started - if that would make a difference. It would be tricky to set up because members would have to be willing to act as mentors and I'm not sure how the matching up would work. Or we could ask members to volunteer to be part of a greeter group who reach out to new people (maybe email them to ask how they were doing and ask if they have concerns.) There is always the option of doing nothing, too.
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Post by johng on Dec 6, 2020 3:49:30 GMT
I've been pretty lurky. I usually refresh the 'Recent Threads' page once or twice a day and then dive in and read a bunch of threads once or twice a week. But I don't post a lot. Either haven't felt chatty or feeling like a broken record with the same thoughts/issues as I always do.
Probably the best thing to do is capture input from the newbies. See what they're looking for or expecting when they sign on and then check in with them at 30 & 60 days to see if they have any issues with the mechanics of the site, or the tone, etc.
I do think this site, as structured, has a fairly small carrying capacity. If, for example, you had 400 regular contributors, it would just be totally overwhelming to navigate and follow the threads and keep track of the people.
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Post by lindsay106 on Dec 6, 2020 5:29:56 GMT
Perhaps create a section for GSA?
I think most adoptees find this fascinating and intriguing..even if they are not experiencing it.
Maybe give some general information about it as well for those who are not aware it exists. It maybe helpful for an adoptee who doesn't experience it but may in the future. He or she will be aware and prepared in case these thoughts occur.
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Post by cmcshurley on Dec 6, 2020 9:52:02 GMT
I think there are a lot of people who get scared or just like to lurk. I bet there is some aspect of trolls too. Those of us who have been here for a while know there have been those that have left or disappeared for various reasons- I am always excited when they come back. I know I would go through phases where I would be searching the web or joining the soundex registry, then get frustrated and quit. But there was nothing like this available.
I think asking for suggestions is a good thing. Maybe having an admin person who could be willing to get private messages and post questions or topics for those who don’t feel comfortable. I hate to think there are new people who quit because the are afraid to post, but I was afraid, and actually got a message early on that was very hurtful. Luckily I quickly noticed that that person was hurting and at times hurting others. I would be willing to be a mentor, or maybe just post a list of people willing to be messaged and asked question.
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Post by richardj on Dec 6, 2020 12:20:21 GMT
Mentoring is a good idea, but with the right support setout for mentors, group support between mentors may be needed.
I would be willing to be a mentor as well, but not yet, too much stuff going on for me right now.
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Post by swattson on Dec 6, 2020 19:15:30 GMT
Maybe having an admin person who could be willing to get private messages and post questions or topics for those who don’t feel comfortable. I'm a newbie. Although I've not been afraid to post, I think this is a good suggestion. It would allow people to ask questions but not feel singled out. I like the process of having to post about yourself first and then have a certain number of posts to weed out trolls and the like.
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Post by shoemason on Dec 6, 2020 21:33:18 GMT
When I typed in "adult adoptees forum" this site came up number one but under "adoptee support" there are 16 sites that come up in front of this one, including adoptees connect. How do we get moved to the first page of those results?
Instead of having the last post title and other info that is on the homepage of the forum come up under the site name in the search engine results, can you make it say "Adult Adoptees Support forum is an adoptee-centered support forum. This forum was created by adoptees, and is owned, administered and moderated by adoptees. " ? The date on the last thread may be older (because it is the start date of the thread rather than the last post date) and it makes it look like the site is not active daily, which is not true, and that could make some people not click on it.
Has anyone analyzed the content of the posts made by those people who posted once or twice and then didn't return to the site? Can anything be gleaned from that content?
Domestic closed BSE, international, intra-family, open, lite --- I think this forum is strongest when all types of adoption are discussed and has active members with similar life experiences here to support a newbie.
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Post by justd on Dec 7, 2020 0:03:54 GMT
When I typed in "adult adoptees forum" this site came up number one but under "adoptee support" there are 16 sites that come up in front of this one, including adoptees connect. How do we get moved to the first page of those results? I ran across LCT mentioning the forum on Quora last week in an answer to a question about adoption. Someone asked for a link. I think we need to make an effort to be visible where adoptees might find us. There's a problem with that. I had to learn by trial and error that "adoption" is a useless search term, whereas "adoptee" is useful. I can't be the only one who has been confronted with the fact that searching on "adoption" gets links to pro-adoption propaganda. I think we need to find where adoption is being discussed and insert an adoptee perspective, and links.
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Post by lindsay106 on Dec 7, 2020 3:44:17 GMT
Maybe have a post about the trolls..stating that if a member logs in here x many times without posting they will banned from the forum.
I do have a phobia about internet security. Sometimes I am afraid to post too much information for fear that someone other than us is reading it. I am not sure how to make the forum more secure.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2020 8:02:45 GMT
I don’t like the idea of banning someone who doesn’t post for a period of time. There could be many reason why that can happen.
If I’m at a-mom’s I can read through posts, even with the tv blasting and her talking over it. But I can’t concentrate to type. So, I’m reading but not posting. I wouldn’t want to be removed from the forum because of it.
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Post by DavisP on Dec 7, 2020 11:47:02 GMT
I think that we are pretty safe from trolls. It is common for adoptees to carry a lot of shame and to believe that they are not good enough and I think that explains why it is so hard to make that first post and once they make that first post they are overwhelmed by the idea that they have betrayed their a-parents and shut down.
We can be a very outspoken group and not many people could fake it for long. Trolls could come to the forum and read the introductory posts and never make a post of their own. I don't think they get any further than that.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2020 12:08:24 GMT
I think that we are pretty safe from trolls. It is common for adoptees to carry a lot of shame and to believe that they are not good enough and I think that explains why it is so hard to make that first post and once they make that first post they are overwhelmed by the idea that they have betrayed their a-parents and shut down. We can be a very outspoken group and not many people could fake it for long. Trolls could come to the forum and read the introductory posts and never make a post of their own. I don't think they get any further than that. True. Interesting, and I think you’re right, many adoptees would be overwhelmed with a feeling of guilt after making their first post. I didn’t think of it, but I think you’re right.
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Post by maltipoo on Dec 7, 2020 12:58:54 GMT
Thanks to all who are able to make this forum happen and all adoptees for sharing.
I come here often for comfort...but post little. If I was banned it would just feel like another rejection.
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Post by melrose on Dec 7, 2020 13:55:46 GMT
The reason I rarely post is because I don’t like writing. I can be very verbal and outspoken, I just find writing challenging. I live in a sparsely populated rural area with no options for personal connections that I know of and of course the pandemic doesn’t help.
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Post by fleur on Dec 7, 2020 17:40:09 GMT
I am still slightly petrified when I post and have strange after thoughts when I do . I wouldn't be surprised if others are resonant to this also . Plus ,. some adoptees may have gone through some seriously horrendous experiences that feel truly too complex to talk about .. which is something i do struggle with somewhat as well .
The only suggestions I can think of if it feels too overwhelming to speak to a wider group ,. is for one to one interaction be available . Connection first with an existing member may be very beneficial .
we could do a poll to see who would like to be dropped a message sometimes from other members . See how they are doing and remind them they are cared and thought about in our community .
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Post by capriolina on Dec 7, 2020 19:38:03 GMT
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Post by capriolina on Dec 7, 2020 19:45:44 GMT
DavisP I haven’t been on for sometime, because maybe wrongly I thought I was “ok” and dealing with my issues by keeping busy. When I started back at uni On my Psychotherapy course and I was being triggered by work stuff, it made me realise that the only place that I can come to where people really get it..is here. I too would happily help mentor or reach out to people in difficulty but do have a fair bit on at the minute. I do believe that it can be scary to put yourself ‘out there’ and i have worried at times that now I’ve posted extensive things, they might make me recognisable if any member of my family joined. It is a scary idea to also not really know who is genuine and who isn’t? I have also ruminated extensively if people don’t respond to my post or do and it isn’t what I expected..the list goes on! So It is daunting to be brave enough to write and speak from the heart as I like to do. I just now there are some amazing people here that have validated those feelings and who helped me through one of the toughest times in my life. For that I thank each and every one of you. I do miss old faces that were here when I started too. Thank you for asking what can be done. It shows how much this forum means to those of you who manage it and if I can play my part in helping to increase the support and numbers, I certainly will. 😃
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Post by jaye on Dec 8, 2020 2:44:06 GMT
I joined here because my b.sister and mother found me.I was such a mess and had never felt like i did in my whole life.I googled adult adoptee i think and found this amazing group. I was so scared posting incase of many things like, being rejected in here,trolls or b.family reading what i wrote and the list goes on. Sometimes once people get all the info they need or feel like they can tackle things on their own,they leave. I think an email asking newbies what they thought of the forum and suggestions on how it can improve would be good,but it may also make them not come back if they feel paranoid about people contacting them to start with. I fear members of my b,family or my a.bro will join and work out who i am from my posts. I like that there is a over 100 posts for sensitive topics. I would love there to be a regular chat session at a time that can suit most as i am in australia. Even a session on a different topic weekly and maybe just a social chat/type once a week.
I dont have a lot to do with computers,so am still learning. I still cant work out how to resize a photo to put it on here. What about a chat session near Christmas as so many of us struggle around that time of year. I wouldnt mind being a penpal with someone,maybe email etc. But then i have to trust that it is a genuine person.
I love that we can talk about anything in this forum and that it isnt sensored.
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Post by lindsay106 on Dec 9, 2020 6:49:15 GMT
I joined here because my b.sister and mother found me.I was such a mess and had never felt like i did in my whole life.I googled adult adoptee i think and found this amazing group. I was so scared posting incase of many things like, being rejected in here,trolls or b.family reading what i wrote and the list goes on. Sometimes once people get all the info they need or feel like they can tackle things on their own,they leave. I think an email asking newbies what they thought of the forum and suggestions on how it can improve would be good,but it may also make them not come back if they feel paranoid about people contacting them to start with. I fear members of my b,family or my a.bro will join and work out who i am from my posts. I like that there is a over 100 posts for sensitive topics. I would love there to be a regular chat session at a time that can suit most as i am in australia. Even a session on a different topic weekly and maybe just a social chat/type once a week. I dont have a lot to do with computers,so am still learning. I still cant work out how to resize a photo to put it on here. What about a chat session near Christmas as so many of us struggle around that time of year. I wouldnt mind being a penpal with someone,maybe email etc. But then i have to trust that it is a genuine person. I love that we can talk about anything in this forum and that it isnt sensored. I love the penpal idea. Maybe we could have a poll on who would be interested.
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Post by lindsay106 on Dec 9, 2020 6:55:15 GMT
I don’t like the idea of banning someone who doesn’t post for a period of time. There could be many reason why that can happen. If I’m at a-mom’s I can read through posts, even with the tv blasting and her talking over it. But I can’t concentrate to type. So, I’m reading but not posting. I wouldn’t want to be removed from the forum because of it. I understand...that makes sense. But what if someone joins and stays a member for months and never posts? How do we know why they are really here? This scares me, but I may be more paranoid than most people about the internet.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2020 9:28:32 GMT
I hear what your saying....I wonder if there is any way to know why people are really here? Some people may just be extremely shy, or fogged, or scared. It took me ten long years to come out of my fog. I never would have posted on a forum like this at the beginning of that process. But now nobody can keep me quiet!
I’m not knowledgeable about running a forum and keeping it safe. I know we need this space because there is not another one like it. I’m eager to see more ideas posted.
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Post by johng on Dec 9, 2020 11:10:11 GMT
But what if someone joins and stays a member for months and never posts? How do we know why they are really here? This scares me, but I may be more paranoid than most people about the internet. I think if you stick to the parts of the website that require either 30, 50 or 100 posts for access, you'll probably be ok. That's a pretty serious barrier to entry and I'm guessing the admins will nuke anyone who just does "post 27", "post 28", ...
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Post by opusdei1988 on Dec 9, 2020 13:09:13 GMT
I'm on a Facebook page that is dedicated to adopted people in Oklahoma getting their original birth certificate. The traffic they get daily from adoptees "coming out of the fog" looking for this information is about 10 to 20 a day all ages.
However, I found this support forum first, when I started digging around a couple years ago and actually found the original birth certificate post on here.
Most of those people I'd think need a safe place to speak and feel this forum provides this!
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Post by timing on Dec 9, 2020 23:34:02 GMT
I love this place but for me I'm better. I come back to help others or when I have trigger which happens now a lot less often. After 7 years I am better and adoption doesn't enter my mind as much. I think amom passing away made it so I'm not reminded as much of the past. I told my bdad today I feel so much better
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Post by timing on Dec 10, 2020 2:10:16 GMT
I'm on a Facebook page that is dedicated to adopted people in Oklahoma getting their original birth certificate. The traffic they get daily from adoptees "coming out of the fog" looking for this information is about 10 to 20 a day all ages. However, I found this support forum first, when I started digging around a couple years ago and actually found the original birth certificate post on here. Most of those people I'd think need a safe place to speak and feel this forum provides this! I belong to adoptee support on Facebook and I have directed people to this place because I find that those here are more knowledgeable. I tell them about adoptees on and here. I think most people search fb first.
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Post by LCT on Dec 10, 2020 5:01:29 GMT
Or we could ask members to volunteer to be part of a greeter group who reach out to new people (maybe email them to ask how they were doing and ask if they have concerns.) Following up as members of a greeter group with new individuals may have potential. Especially now when other kinds of individual needs are being suppressed for the greater good of groups (communities, cities, states).
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